Dear Children - Please Stop!

Dear Children,
Please stop growing up. I can't bear it any longer. You keep getting taller every day, your childish ways are slipping away and I simply can't stand it. Your little feet are getting bigger, your tiny fingers growing longer, your chubby cheeks getting thinner, just please stop! I beg you please, don't grow any further, stay small, and keep your tiny voices. Run through my house with the itsy-bitsy- pitter-patter just once more. I wish I could freeze time and keep you small or in the very least rewind from time to time. I can't believe it's almost over....stop growing, stop growing, please! Your bright eyes, your precious faces, soft and sweet. You say the cutest things and you promise me you'll never leave me. How much fun I have with you and to think one day my house will be silent.
Mom

Dear Children - Not A Missionary

We've exposed you to a lot of things "missions". We've used resources like these (Missionary Stories with the Millers and Window on the World) to teach you about past and current missionaries spreading the gospel, we've encouraged your involvement with missions first hand (MAF), and we've made connection with missionaries around the world to give you the opportunity to bond personally with missionaries in the field (Indonesia, Nigeria, Brazil, China, Mexico, and Honduras, to name a few). We've talked about Paul and the passion he had as a missionary. Some of your closest friends are MKs. But you aren't MKs, you're PKs. We tell you that all believers are missionaries to earth on assignment from God.....yet, we've been known to say "your parents are not missionaries." We seem to always separate ourselves by classification when talking about "missionaries"...."they are missionaries" as if we aren't. No, we are just people on assignment from God, citizens of heaven, on earth (foreign land) seeking to further the kingdom of God (by the spreading of the gospel and it's truth). So, even though we don't have to write a monthly newsletter proving our progress to those who pray for us faithfully (and thankfully we don't have to!), are we missionaries? What about the other believers around us, right here, in this culture? Are they missionaries?
Those closest to me often hear me say "I'm not cut out to be a missionary!" Some of you reading this are probably nodding your heads cause I've said it recently. But the more I say that, the more that God impresses a burden for missions on our hearts. I've wondered from time to time why God puts that burden on our hearts when we feel clearly that we are not called to go oversees? The logical answer has been "because God needs others to support missionaries." Yes, God needs others to feel passionate about supporting missionaries who go oversees. This is true. Yet this past year, my eyes are being opened to the fact that we can say with our lips "we are all missionaries because earth is not our home", but what does that look like? Are we willing to see ourselves as counter cultural in a confused culture? Are we willing to have a Christian worldview or are we just another church goer in our society?

Even though we don't have a language barrier to deal with (although sometimes I wonder about that...especially when we are speaking the same language and still don't understand each other), and unlike oversees missionaries we are super familiar with our twisted culture and it's challenges when ministering (since we've grown up in it), and even though we are more comfortable with the size of bugs we have here than say a foreign land, and yet there are, as my husband puts it, "similar hazards of the job".

Like oversees missionaries we struggle to balance ministry and family life...there are usually no defined boundaries, we are on call 24/7, we are seen as the spiritual professionals in times of crisis, we often carry more of a ministry load than we should, we feel burdened daily for those we are trying to minister to, we have to learn to be flexible, our families are watched carefully like living in a fishbowl, there are many expectations, we live off other people's giving, we often feel like we have to always have it together to be an example yet remain humble and transparent, and there is usually little time for marriage quality time. I guess that's why we are so drawn to missionaries and feel so encouraged by them in our own ministry...we relate to them and sense they understand our ministry.So, I keep asking myself, are we missionaries? I keep getting invited to be a part of missionary mom blogs because I'm a "missionary on US soil". So, does one have to be unfamiliar with their culture to be a missionary? Do you have to learn a new language to be a missionary? Do you have to move away from "home" to be a missionary and then visit in 2 year intervals? I'm starting to see two types of missionaries, 1. oversees missionaries 2. local missionaries. I know missionaries that are supported in the states (like pastors) and I know missionaries that are in other countries that are self supported (like my sister and brother-in-law)...so financial support doesn't always define missionaries. What about pastors in churches reaching the unsaved....there are church plants that for sure could be seen as missionary pastors but what about the pastor in an established church? I've learned in ministry that there are plenty of unsaved people in established churches! Just when you think you aren't coming in contact with the unsaved, you're reminded that it's not just the unchurched that can be lost. And what about the congregation? Aren't they missionaries too? Why are they different from the pastor? Shouldn't all believers be missionaries.....I know many oversees missionaries that think so.

I know God is teaching me these things to further His use of me. Am I willing is the final question. If I can view myself as a missionary, am I willing? Or do I hold too tightly to my plans my way? Am I willing to endure the "hazards of the job" like oversees missionaries? Am I willing to witness to a culture that although I'm familiar with, at times I feel totally out of touch with and confused by? Am I willing to live in a way that says "God's will for my life is more important than..... (you fill in the blank)." I want to be used and I'm learning that it means being a missionary in any land, foreign or not, oversees or not, familiar or not, supported or not, comfortable or not.

Signed,
Mom (not a missionary?)

Dear Children- Quotes on marriage/family

"anger is the "check engine light" -don't sin in your anger

"success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate." Barnett R. Brickner

"once a woman has forgiven her man, she must not reheat his sins for breakfast." Marlene Dietrich

"often the difference between a successful marriage and a mediocre one consists of leaving about three or four things a day unsaid." Harlan Miller

"the mother is the one supreme asset of the national life. She is more important, by far, than the successful statesman, or businessman, or artist, or scientist." Theodore Roosevelt

"there are lots of things you can do with sand; but do not try building a house on it." C.S. Lewis

"forgiveness is the oil of relationships." Josh McDowell

"to truly experience oneness in marriage, we must first experience the power that comes from oneness with God."

"I hate and regret the failure of my marriages. I would gladly give all my millions for just one lasting marital success." J.P. Getty

Dear Children- the heart of a mom

I jotted some of these things down from a book and also some thoughts I had back when my children were toddlers. I often remind myself of them and that I need to strive for these things. It's interesting to think on these things now that they aren't toddlers any longer and see how they still apply. By the time my kids will be grown they will know which of these are my weaknesses and which ones are my strengths. They will surely be the best judges of that! Meantime, I continue to strive.

A mother should strive to have a heart ….

That prays

-often for her children's salvation and lives.

That provides

-what her children need and goes beyond what they need to provide a safe, clean, and comfortable home.

That is happy

-she smiles often and sets the tone of joy in her home rather than grumpiness, stress, depression, anger, laziness, or sorrow.

That gives

-she is self-sacrificing and gives above and beyond what she thinks she can. She also gives compassion. She is not apathetic to even their simplest heartache. She gives comfort when comfort is needed, she hugs when hugs are needed, she kisses even the smallest boo boos, she nurtures 24/7.

Of fun

-she looks for opportunities for fun and plans fun activities for her family that create memories of bonding.

That celebrates

-she instills important traditions in her children that point them to God and she rejoices with her children at all the good God brings to them.

That gives preferential treatment

-she makes sure her family always comes first and doesn't put outsiders first above her children. She thinks of them first and how each things she does outside of the home and for others will affect her family, even how much time she spends giving her attention to others in conversation.

That is focused

-she works hard at not tuning her children out. She listens carefully to their stories and questions and gives them her loving attention. She doesn't neglect physically, emotionally, or mentally. Her children need not beg for her attention.

That is present

-a child's sense of "home" is always attached to mother. She creates a sense of security when she is home and making her home and family a priority. Her children always know she is there for them because she is present. She is not distracted by selfish pursuits or personal idols.

That is quiet

-she works hard at having a meek and quiet spirit. She doesn't respond in anger and refrains from yelling at her children. She seeks God for strength and works hard to keep her thoughts, words, and actions calm and peaceful.

That is available

-she makes herself always available when her children need her. When crisis happen in their lives they know she is always willing to drop what she's doing and help. She always has time for her children. She's there to minister to them even when they grow older and need her less.

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-Take responsibility for the condition of your home, the management of your home, the loving of your husband, and the parenting of your children. God has given you those responsibilities to excel in.

-How would the Lord, my husband and my kids rate my service, my meals, the accommodations and how I manage my home?

-Once I have shown myself to be a faithful manager at home, I am free to run out the door and do the work of ministry outside my home. I serve my family before I serve others. I don't give my family the leftovers of myself after I've served others. I give my best for my family.

-What do people see when they enter my house? Do they find calm or chaos? Peace or panic? Palace or pigpen? Evidence of preparation or procrastination? Evidence of hard work or laziness? Someone who serves the Lord or serves self? Focus or distraction? Organization or apathy?

raising a boy to be a man.....

Emilee has been really sick this past week and so there was a lot of time of just Jon and mom downstairs talking while we worked around the house. What great conversations we have. Jon loves to talk and especially loves to analyze life and the world. We talked quite a bit the other day about the greedy children that went to Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory and how we are all tempted to be greedy and selfish. We talked about the difference between Charlie and the other children in the end....about being really sorry (repentant) and accepting consequences. Jon said at one point, "those other parents need to teach their kids a lesson about being greedy and stop giving them everything they want!" Such wisdom. We also talked about what kind of adults those kids will be like someday.

We also talked for quite some time today about Marco Polo and bravery. "Mom, would you be brave if you had to be tested and face a cheetah?"
Mom- "No, I know I wouldn't be that brave."
Jon- "Well, I would try to be that brave."
Mom- "yes, I know you would because you want to be strong and brave."

After getting his school and chores done he asked, "mom, can I go out with Maggie and play? I like to play with her that we are in the army and also that we go hunting together." I can see him out there now as I type this marching with his rifle in front of his shoulder like Teddy in Teddy's Button. It makes my heart happy to raise a boy that will some day be a man. He loves to read books rich with history that tell stories of those who have gone before us and sacraficed greatly to be brave and strong. Men who were not sissys. Men who were willing to give up everything, risk it all, and remain strong. Men who were truly brave. I hope we can instill this same thing in him. I often appeal to the God given desire in him to be strong and brave.... It usually goes something like this....

Mom- "Jon, will you please take out this trash? (or other task)"
Jon- "Ahhh, do I have to." followed by a long sigh
Mom- "Well, I know you want to grow up some day to be a strong and Godly man who protects and takes care of his family with bravery and works hard to provide everything his family needs and so I'm trying to teach you that with the responsiblity of hard work."
Jon- "Oh ya!, no problem mom." (and takes out the trash with a little more muscle in his arm, a surety in his stride, his head held high, and a smile on his face)

Dear Children - the family

"To man is appointed the out-door labor- to till the earth, dig the mines, toil in the foundries, traverse the ocean, transport merchandise, labor in manufactories, construct houses, conduct civil, municipal, and state affairs, and all the heavy work, which, most of the day, excludes him from the comforts of home. But the great stimulus to all these toils, implanted in the heart of every true man, is the desire for a home of his own, and the hopes of paternity. Every man who truly lives for immortality responds to the beatitude, "Children are a heritage from the Lord: blessed is the man that hath his quiver full of them!" The more a father and mother live under the influence of that "immortality which Christ hath brought to light," the more is the blessedness of rearing a family understood and appreciated. Every child trained aright is to dwell forever in exalted bliss with those that gave it life and trained it for heaven."

"In the Divine Word it is written, "The wise woman buildeth her house." To be "wise," is "to choose the best means to accomplishing the best end." It has been shown that the best end for a woman to seek is the training of God's children for their eternal home, by guiding them to intelligence, virtue, and true happiness."

The American Woman's Home 1869

Dear Children - Communication in Marriage

Think before you speak. Not everything you are feeling needs to be expressed. Ask to make sure you are being understood. Speak in a way that encourages. The difference between reacting and responding is 3 seconds. Say what you mean (words mean things). Evaluate your own heart in each situation. Assume nothing.

Dear Children - Pursuing Oneness in Marriage

When couples fail to make necessary adjustments to move toward oneness, the result is isolation. In our marriages we are either on the path to oneness or the path to isolation. When couples follow our culture's pattern for marriage, the result is isolation. Our culture's pattern of 50/50 performance is destined to fail because the end result is that we become score keepers. Your response to difficulties will either drive you apart or bind you together. Storms will come in life and some respond by trying to suppress or escape the pressure while others respond by blaming or attacking others. You must have a plan to move through these times without rejecting or withdrawing from your spouse. When we fail to grasp God's perspective on difficulties and problems, the result is isolation. When husbands and wives are selfish, the result is isolation. Selfishness robs the relationship of romance.

Dear Children - Prayers for the Church by Jeremy Riddle (The Now and The Not Yet)

I didn't think twice about marrying a man that wanted to live his life in full time service for the Lord and who's heart was devoted to the local church. I loved serving in my church and I couldn't think of a more fun way to spend my life other than serving beside him. I love the burden he has for the church. But I had rose colored glasses on then. Now I realize that not only do sheep sometimes bite but I've experienced moments of burn-out. Burn-out was something I heard other pastors and their wives talk about when I was only 20 years old and saying my vows. I couldn't wrap my mind around what burn-out was or how it came about. Ministry sounded like Disneyland to me so I didn't understand their complaining. I figured it had to do with not loving the ministry anymore. I was wrong. Burn-out comes from a lot of things but for me, it has nothing to do with love for the church. My love for the church has only deepened. I so love the church and have a growing burden for the church, Christ's precious bride. Burn-out usually comes with being exhausted from carrying too much ministry load and feeling like you have no more to give. God keeps us humble that way. I could write a book about the burden of ministry but this post is about a song that encourages me when I'm tempted to feel worn out or in a few cases, when I get bit. God always sends refreshment when I need it and has gently led us along this path we call ministry. I'm reminded though, that I need to keep my love for the church fervent and passionate and through that, I will be prompted to pray for her faithfully.

There are many movements right now that are attacking the bride of Christ in the name of pursuing noble things. Through history it has usually been God haters that attack His church but in our current times the attacks often come from within. Through well meaning movements, a lack of love for the church is spread. No, the church is not perfect but the church was still God's idea and plan. Yes, the church has problems, always has and always will, but Christ still died for her in her imperfection. God instituted the church knowing what it would be and what it would become. When people fall prey to these movements they tend to pull away from the body of Christ. Rather than humbly sacrificing ourselves for God's bride, our love for the church turns to bitterness. We make ourselves unavailable to be used in the context of the church body. Dear children, keep your love for Christ's beloved bride fervent and free from pride. May you love the church the way God loves the church. May you someday be used by God to influence and improve the church out of your deep love for her. And never forget that church isn't the building or the programs (as useful as those tools can be, but rather the people). You must focus your love on the people as you stand to strengthen truth! Allow yourselves to be used to change the wrongs and imperfections of the church. Your parents are passionate about the church and talk of this topic often.

This song is a beautiful prayer to God asking Him to do these things for His bride. (the album is so new that it's hard to find a sample of this song online anywhere....or if you go to our church maybe my husband will sing it there one day soon because he figured out the music while listening to it on CD the other day....and I've enjoyed listening to him play and sing it in our home several times.)

Where she is weak
Strengthen arms now, steady feet
That she would care for, she would seek
Welcoming Your lost and wounded sheep
Coming home to You

Where she is stained
Bring Your healing, bring Your rain
Wash away now her disgrace
'Till she shines in white, she radiates
She now mirrors You

(We're praying)
No more compromises, no more moral crises
Tonight may she move and act as You
No more small divisions
No more lack of wisdom
Tonight may she move and act as You

Where she is right give her courage for the fight
Full of salt now, full of light
Standing firm where truth and love collide
She remains in You

Now she's shining
Her light is blinding as she sings Your name
Now she's beauty
Up from the ashes, Your love is on her face

Where she is strong, keep her moving, pressing on
Bringing justice, righting wrongs
Demonstrating now Your Kingdom come
She's in step with You

Dear Children- Marriage Conference

today we are headed out the door for a marriage conference. We rarely take time out for ourselves like this (which is something we need and think is important) so we are excited about having some marriage focused time. No, our marriage isn't in trouble, in fact, it's incredible! We've learned that if we want our marriage to be always growing that we have to take steps to nourish it. Now, most husbands aren't chomping at the bit to go to a marriage retreat and I have to admit that I've asked a few times to do "marriage conference" things through the years and nagged a few (okay, several) times about reading "how to be a godly husband" books but this time I didn't do the nagging, instead I was asked if I wanted to go to a marriage conference! I was shocked, yes, but happy to see where our marriage has come. God grows each of us in different ways and often at different times.

I'm married to an incredible man who is not only wonderful to be the wife of but is always striving to better himself for God. In the last few years he has read some of the books I've nagged about and well, here we are today going to a conference initiated by the leader. Our marriage is close, it is deep, it trusts, it confides, it encourages, it strengthens, it communicates regularly and deeply, it forgives, it enjoys, it has fun, it pursues, it cherishes, it desires to spend every extra second together.....it's a great time to go to a marriage conference and be encouraged to keep going deeper....and to celebrate oneness.

And although you can't come with us, you are left with the security of knowing your parents try to make their marriage strong giving you a secure childhood. Time without kids is crucial...it's these little breaks that give us time to reflect on the foundation of this family...our marriage.

We pray that if you marry, God will bless you each with a marriage that is so contrary to the norm. That you'll marvel that being so close was even possible.... even though you might feel like you've stumbled upon a secret treasure in each other that few marriages posses. God help us to be an example, not of a perfect marriage (for that's impossible) but of two people committed to pursuing marriage the way God intended, always learning, always growing deeper, always making our oneness a top priority.

Dear Children - Training

Something I've learned along the road is that's there's more to Christian parenting than just discipline. Discipline is necessary in all of our lives but if we think that disciplining our children is the complete package of Christian parenting we have missed the point. Discipline without training is damage control at best. Training requires consistency, attentiveness, and perseverance. Training children is not for the weak, lazy, distracted, or tired. Training involves guidance, correction, and time invested in prior teaching of the child. Wise is the parent who trains before the discipline situation arises. The responsibility of raising children in the Lord is a heavy one but well worth the self sacrifice. We are striving to not only bring discipline into your life as we are called to do but to train you.